the happy cashier - opening to joy

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I am not dependent on anyone or any event to give me happiness; I create my own. We’ve all heard the phrase, “Happiness is an inside job.” It is not just a maxim, it’s a way of life. It’s the part of the Serenity Prayer about “the wisdom to know the difference.”

How many parts of my life can I control?

My actions. My speech. My reactions. My words. My own thoughts.

That last one is the biggie. I was not responsible for my then-wife’s happiness twenty years ago. I thought I was. As a young father of two kids, I was struggling in a different way than I am today. I was making plenty of money, I had the house, two kids, a cat, a dog, and the counterpoint, an unhappy wife.

I believed back then, it was part of my job to make her happy. It never worked out. I learned from experience. Nothing I could do. More money wasn’t doing it. More household help and a weeknight cook didn’t do it. I ran into the hard truth: we cannot make another person change.

Today, I live this idea. I am here in a less-than-awesome job, for less-than-awesome wages, with less-than-awesome leadership.

I am still happy.

I may struggle from time to time, convincing myself that I am doing responsible and good work. I am intentional and hopeful in my approach to everyone I encounter in my daily shift. Everyone. I even have compassion, maybe more so, for the unhappy people. I know I cannot fix them. I could make them chuckle, for sure. But, it’s not my responsibility to make them happy. Not my job.

My job is to pay attention to the grass on my side of the fence, the thoughts inside my head, and the actions and words I have with others. I am responsible for my own behavior. Even when things go wrong, I get fired, it is my response that is up to me. I calmly said, “I still have a day to file my paperwork with the outside HR team.”

“You can have twenty-four hours,” she said, unrepentant.

I am not expecting an apology or even considerate pleasantries from this “leader.” We give each other a good amount of space and indifference. She will never admit she was wrong, apologize for her mistake, and heal the rift. I guess that’s not her job either. Well, it is for a strong leader. She is angry, petite, and walks with a chip on her shoulder. Smiles infrequently and only when she is being observed.

I am responsible for my happiness right now. The job doesn’t owe me joy. In my mind, I have forgiven her. I give her the same courtesy I give irritated customers. She doesn’t need to change for me, for my satisfaction, for my happiness.

Good morning, how can I help?