You’re On Mute (online dating)

You’re On Mute

Muting commercials, fast-forwarding through the long-ass binge show intro, all part of my entertainment strategy. I’m a bit irritated when I watch LIVE TV and have to suffer the dumbass ads on tv these days. So, when I started online dating, I got a bit frustrated with all the fake accounts and super-hot model types reaching out to me directly, “Hey cutie.”

“Riiiiight,” I said in my head.

She was way too young, way too cute, and way too interested in me. I checked her dating profile. The age range of her perfect date? 25 to 75. Um, yeah.

“Sup, hottie? What’s the play?”


“What are you after?”

“Just a girl looking for fun. Do you live in Austin too? I love it here.”

“It says you are from Demoines Iowa.”

“Oh, I’ve had a hard time getting that updated. I’m in Austin too. Do you want to party?”

“Party?” I was chuckling as I set my trap. “Hell yes, that’s my middle name. But answer me one question. “Look outside, what’s the sky look like this morning?”

“It’s gonna be another hot one,” she texted.

“Tell me about the sky,” I continued.

“Um, sweetheart, let’s just cut to the chase. I want to meet up for some fun.”

“Can you see outside? Are there windows where you’re logged in from?”

“Of course, lover.”

“Then what does the sky look like this morning?”


The weather app couldn’t show her the smokey/foggy sky over all of Austin, the result of field fires in Mexico. It had been hazy white for almost three days. The app on my iPhone showed sunny with clear skies all week, with temps staying well above triple digits for the week.

“Where are you really located right now?” I asked.

Read more Short-Short Stories from John.

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