What is the point of trying to reach closure in a failing love relationship? We’re not trying to keep the other person; we’re justifying our exit. I guess.

Clarity? Is that the goal? Am I trying to educate her? Give her some tips for next time, next partner, next try? No.

I’m doing cartwheels. I should be minding my own business. Getting on with the letting go.

So, today, when I think about her, a song I’d like to send her, I have to ask, “For what?” I am not trying to tag and highlight her transgressions. I’m trying to move on in my own creative life and allow her to return to her journey without me. I still want to send the song, the helpful article about trauma and recovery. I want to send a flirt to start the whole train up again. That’s the first lesson I must learn again and again.

Let go of the ones on fire. The smell of my burning hair should be enough of a deterrent. Repeating the trauma weekly, nightly… There is no future in that. No growth. No movement. I need evolution. Effort. Showing how you, too, are working on your side of the equation. Just obsessing on my writing, blaming me for your pain, and remixing the entire thing in some victim narrative. “He left me.”

No.

I want to discontinue this kind of conversation. I am writing. You don’t like my writing. Quit reading it. Focus on yourself. Do your projects. What creative activities light up your life and give you energy and joy? Do those. Focusing on me, the potential of my future writing is the ending of a beautiful, abbreviated love affair. I cannot hold the flame for her when I’m being roasted by the emotional trauma playing out behind her eyes, glazing over. Hearing some inner “run” in her mind and feeling it in her entire body.

Good night and good luck in all your future endeavors.

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