I wonder about my approach. I was raised by three women. I love women. I’m addicted to women. I’m taking a break for now.
I think it’s simple. Provide opportunities for celebration.
“The carnival of happiness will continue, you’re participation is optional.”
She’s not sure. Not there yet. Um…
“Okay. That’s easy.”
And we pause. I entertain my daughter’s dog. Maybe I’ll do his voiceover video today. Maybe I’ll nap. Go with the flow. Relax. There is no hurry.
I really believe that. “There is no hurry.”
I am not in hot pursuit. It wouldn’t work that way. She’s not asking to be caught. She’s not asking for anything. She’s responsive. Not ready. No problem.
Last Christmas my daughter was here. Sharing a few mornings with her and my girlfriend I observed my native engagement model. “Can I make you some coffee? Migas? French toast?”
“No.”
“Okay. Let me know if I can get you something.”
What a joy. It’s not a breakfast or morning thing. It’s just how I am. How I was raised. A good ‘ol Southern boy, raised by a mom and two sisters.
The other thing you learn as a parent: no is not a rejection. Declined invitations are not something to spend much time fretting about. Just get on with the next one. Move along. I won’t pester you. That is a manipulation in another direction.
I’m full of opportunities. I’m fully aware of my genuine soft desire. I am fierce in my determination and easy on the outcome. I don’t know where this is going. I don’t know how it will turn out. Don’t want to go? No problem. Here’s another idea.
It’s complex. We are complex. Life, love, relationships. Complex.
And simple. It’s a YES or a NO. It’s a NOT NOW, NOT LATER, NOT EVER, or something else. Pause, hold up, wait. Always acceptable. Force has no play within loving relationships. Guilt. Sarcasm. Passive aggressive ploys are always weeded out.
“Let’s not do sarcasm, okay?”
It’s a request I made in my last relationship. Her teasing was supposed to be funny. It carried a loaded message. That’s the problem with sarcasm, there’s a deeper message that must be decoded. Once she understood my request the snarky comments stopped. There was still some snark left, but the original “joke” was iced.
I want to know where you stand. I want to hear what you want, too. I don’t want to lead all the time. Hold up… Hold the fuck up.
“Gonna watch a Trump rally…”
Sleepin’ dog gonna stay down.
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