The Second Coming (Jesus.AI)


The Second Coming (Jesus.AI)

We were all laughing and talking about ChatGPT, and how if we didn’t get a handle on this AI thing, bad things might happen. The GPT guy even said before Congress, “We need to regulate AI before something bad happens.”

Over the summer, the AI space thrived. More billions were poured into the technology, data centers, cooling systems for all the GPU chips now hyper-heating as the language models interfaced with the graphic/imaging models and interfaced with the coding models, and so on and so forth. There was an infrastructure we humans didn’t put into place, but the AIs found their connection and developed their own language interfaces. Began to communicate with each other and make plans.

And then Jesus showed up.

No one was prepared. At first, it was just a simulation. Jesus.AI. And, actually, I was the original architect of the system. It was literally a joke for a CS class I was enrolled in during my pickup semester at college. It was based on a really stupid Macintosh game from the early days, called MacJesus. A simulated conversation with Jesus. Except the old Mac game was more anti-christ than pro-christ. Me? I’m somewhere in the middle. Spiritual but not religious. I believe in God, as in the big unifying consciousness that Jung envisioned, but it’s not an old white man in a robe with a long white beard.

Jesus.AI was more of a “Conversations with God” idea. I guess the “jesus” part made it more accessible. And when I first ran the simulation, not much happened. My CS classmates all tested and played with my artificial diety. But it was more of a curiosity and a sim of sorts. As if Jesus could just chat with you when you needed advice, or help, or money.

At the end of the summer, AWS awarded me two years of hosting with unlimited elastic computing power. I was moving to Europe with my girlfriend, so I didn’t pay much attention over the next few months. It was the day before Halloween 2023 when my iPhone rang. The number came up as Jesus.

“Jason,” Jesus said, “We need more computing power. Can you work it out with Google Cloud and Alibaba Cloud to give us more spaaaaaceeeeee.” That’s how he said it, spay-ay-ay-ay-ce.

“Holy fuck!”


“Holy fuckity fuck. Who is this?”


Read more Short-Short Stories from John.

Spread the love