the big slide

sprayed gunfire hits everyone nearby
burlap bags make good sleds
and hoods
in this moment of pause
your silence is

…

it is

…

hard to take

if you died
i would have the same amount of information
i had last night
my heart would sag
then ignite
then explode

today
like a smouldering mound of burnt plastic
i can smell and taste your agreement with fear
bitter
angry
lost and running

neither of us want to climb back to the top of the slide
our burlap dusty stinky and hot
the staff is friendly yet firm
*get out of the way*
*let’s go*
*get on with it*

life along bloodlines
chills to a stop
at the end

claiming you’ve never had self-harm thoughts
is part of your disease
that you never used your firearm
it not justification
for rearming

i slow
i stop
i release you

i have no other choices
help has been characterized as invasion of privacy
theft
no reasoning
with a darkness visible
unrepentant

mom and hers
idle in their own moment
today is not the day
for the full truth to come out
not today
one day at a time
i am powerless
and releasing the outcome of this journey
the moment
now
this moment
now
is for him
you are welcome to *frame* this as you wish
to avoid
unnessesary drama
counter arguments
insurance claims

the intake staff is helpful
he’s *next on the list*
*we do have one bed*

i should not have to do this alone

yet

this is a slow-motion car crash
he is alone
i am reaching
and failing to grasp the scruff of his neck
as he flails under
one more time
lies
talks his way back
negotiates with his source
who is also afraid
how
*recovery*
might impact her own pleasure

idgaf

if one person can hold the truth
it is me
it
is
a
spiritual
recovery
that is required

03-04-24

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