Notes On The Spectrum covers this chapter here: Sweetness
I love that the high-end American food system is blowing up the candy bar (protein bar djour) market. There are more flavors and brands of semi-healthy sport bars, that we neglect to comprehend the fact that 420 calories is just as hard to burn off, regardless of sugar or saturated fat content.
A new one has captured my imagination, so I will never be able to buy them again. It’s a protein bar mixed with a peppermint and white chocolate frosting. It makes my mouth water just typing those letters out. Besides, I am eating the only one I will ever bring home. Aloha, it’s called. Hello and goodbye. I can’t buy ice cream or candy bars. I eat them.
I know I’m running a bit of stress with my work, my finacial worries, and my son’s dark presence. I’m strapped. The protein bar tonight was a treat and boy was it good. My friend, John, thinks that if he eats a quantity of snacks within a few hours of bedtime, his deep sleep is affected poorly. I think it’s just calories and blood and sugar and are you craving sugar or salty now? I’ve just indulged in both. I had popcorn with olive oil, sea salt, and Irish butter. Oh my. I also dropped the new bag of kernals in the kitchen and scattered hundreds of organic popping corn kernals all over the floor. I swept them up. The popcorn was amazing.
On a day like today, when my productivity has been off the charts, I can let myself play a bit more, nap a bit easier. I had an unexpected day off from the survival job, today. I felt like I was coming apart. My son didn’t come home last night. Didn’t respond to my texts. And has a habit of falling asleep in chairs and in his car. Was he passed out somewhere?
I have 7.34 hours of UPT (unpaid time off) left. The HR group owes me another 16. We’re in the holiday mode, I think they need me more than they need to make an example of me. Besides, I get my job done, and have fun doing it. The customers notice that I’m happy. Yes, I’m merely a happy cashier. The zen shit, that’s all just playing in my head.
see: The Happy Cashier on Amazon for more
A day off. And who did I get to talk to, the Ukrainian woman who fired me a few months ago. Except she didn’t fire me, because she couldn’t fire me. So, I’m still here. She’s still here. We co-exist but don’t crossover much. Fitting I had to “call out” to her. She has my neck in her angry cold little hands.
The store is full of additional pitfalls of sweetness. Tonic shots, cinnamon rolls, and double cheddar broccoli soup. Chocolate options for days. I can indulge my sweetness in many ways. I could dive into oral satisfaction to compensate for the current stress, but I saw how that turns out with my mom and my brother. Not well. I am happier now, twenty pounds lighter. Lifestyle. Not buying ice cream, chips, or protein bars. Eating less. Sleeping well. Getting in as much tennis and walks around the lake as possible.
I might want to add a few cold plunges during the holidays, reboot/restart the heating and cooling system of my body.
It’s the sweetness I long for. A feeling. A mood. A moment. Simple pleasures. A five-minute dip in the hot tub. A well-prepared and thoughtful cup of coffee in the morning. Resting on a day off. Writing. Playing tennis.
I want to add a few additional sweeteners. A woman. A doubles partner for playing as a mixed doubles team on the ladder. A solo journey into the wilderness. Enchanted Rock would be easy. I could even go tomorrow morning. Just a sec, I’m gonna go check something.
$8. I could go tomorrow. Be with the big rock. A road trip of limited distance or expense. Might be perfect. The park opens at 6:30 am. It feels like a sweet. An aspiration. Dawn at Enchanted Rock. A plunge into the park in the coolness of the morning chill. Yes. Well, okay, we’ll see what life looks like when I wake up. A road and camping trip in Big Bend would be a fun redo. A few nights on the hard ground. I need to check my tent and get a patch for my sleeping pad that died during my music camp two summers ago.
