she disappeared

putting herself out of reach
goes with her behaviors in the past
how her schedule
her son’s schedule
included “you can come if you’d like”
rather than
“would you like to…”
i was always an afterthought
maybe a red flag
i tried to be flexible
the bigger man
understanding

what i didn’t realize
is how my heart was being crushed
i was building a partnership
she was enjoying a helpful man
in a passing moment
time was an issue
time alone was impossible
to say the word enmeshed
would be an understatement

she’s retreated back to her college stomping grounds
to find her next move
her son’s next adventure
and a winter that will become colder and colder
until her progeny alights for new horizons
she can bide her time and her desires
for eight or so more years
when the decisions
might be more independent
where he thinks for himself
that can only be delayed so long
and then her son
will wound her deeply
simply by being
a man

07-05-23