Listen to this discussion free on YouTube: Fetlife Refactoring discussion
I’m feeling dangerous. Unleashing something new, different, unexpected. Sex.
Wait, what? There’s been nearly zero sex so far. What’s changed? Um, my own lack of sex with a partner, and preparing a manuscript for a book on sex and relationship building. My mind is spinning its wheels. All theory, no juice. A moment for refactoring, reconfigurations, and rebooting from the bare bones.
What do we all want? Great sex. Ecstatic sex. When that drive is over, Freud pontificated about the end of your motivational drive. The end of sex spells the end of a relationship as clearly as a declaration of war. When sex goes south, evasive action must be taken immediately. Either stay in the relationship and fight together about what you want in your sex life. Or, you tell the partner you’re unhappy and bolt.
If we stay, we know there is work ahead. We have a dream, a vision, for what it could be. What we had once. Take a little bit of the hippie woman with son issues, bring in the joy and humor of the alcoholic, and sprinkle in a tiny bit of the sex goddess. Just enough heat to produce fire. Together, there is heat, fire, and an honest connection. That’s what we all want, right?
In the direction of ecstatic experiences, sex is one that is only solo for now. The recreational options are there, but not compelling at this moment. The one date smoking woman, could be a second date shot. Ply with alcohol, see where it goes… No. A strip club for a bit of push and tease? No. Porn? No. Other? No.
There are so many options for distraction. I don’t want sex. I want one sex.
Something that splits my reason into fragments and memories of past loves. Feelings of being loved. Knowing the warmth of a securely attached bosom to cuddle. I am not ready for that transformation at this time. I am working on my own. I’m restricting my output to writing. I’m sharpening my arrow. It’s time to take a shot at this artist writer musician thing. The writing certainly has me on fire, so I’m following the flame. Where there is energy and joy, there is a lighted path upward.
So many ways to happiness. Some are temporary or situationally compelled. A raise at work. Winning a tennis tournament. Some are aspirational and potentially unachievable. Rockstar. Best-selling author. And finally, there is the sublime, achievable, requires extreme focus and will pull energy away from the creative projects.
Sex is an important energy system in our bodies. If we’re not with a partner, we need to adjust. The science somewhere says men need to ejaculate 20 – 25 times a month. Whoa! They’re obviously talking about younger men.
Youth is an issue going around these days. I don’t want to date this book, but pedophilia is in the White House. Amazing what the admin is trying to do to hide the facts. Facts, people. How this relates to sex. Youth is a passion. A trigger. Is it why I prefer small breasts? Who knows? But we do know one thing about age and sex. There are boundaries and limits that should be fiercely enforced. Yet… Here we are.
So, I understand the appeal of a 14-year-old gymnast’s body. I get it. As we all get older we get fatter, wrinkly; it happens a little more each day. But when we have children of our own, that’s a new limit. No more bald bushes. No more baby daddy fantasies. No more craving young women.
Imagining a network of rich men so spectacularly repulsive, thinking they could buy trysts with teenage girls and not pay the real price later. It’s coming out. Just beheaded a prince. A faux king would be nice. The entire globe has been put on pause to hide this motherfucker’s transgressions. There are videos, flight logs, and money laundering trails for billions of dollars in illicit cash. The money trail will take a lot of people down. Good. Let’s go!
Recreational sex is about fun, not torture. Not abuse. Between consenting adults. Over 16, over 18, over 21? Is there an age gap limit? Is 10 years to distant? 20? What is normal is what makes you feel good, within the limits of the law.
A previous girlfriend, you know the one, introduced me to something called Fetlife. At first, she wanted me to read her profile. She was a bit on the edge. I wasn’t interested in the strap system she had under the mattress of the bed.
“Why do you want to show me this? Are you trying to introduce something into the relationship? I’m not that interested.”
“I want you to see all of me.”
“Um, your kink profile? Perhaps you can just show me here in real life?”
Over the course of a few weeks she finally got me to open her Fetlife profile. It was a turning point for sure, something shifted in her. She began acting strangely. Paranoid. But it was more of a depressive episode coming on for some reason. She bolted. She bolted on purpose. When I asked her months later, still craving her amazing bedroom ecstasy, she said, “I usually bolt after six months. I get scared. Too close. Too involved.”
I think she exposed me to a dark side of what she wanted and I wasn’t impressed. I had no desire to crossover into the “lifestyle.” That’s how they talk about the kink world. You’re either in the lifestyle or not. Most normies don’t know what the lifestyle is. I still don’t really. I’m curious. Not pursuing.
Do tattoos symbolize a tip to the edge? What about a padlock necklace? Or a choaker with a loop? Or are people just playing with the ideas? The nose thing that looks like a bull ring. I asked a young man about the padlock on his necklace. “You into the lifestyle or is that just a lock?” “Just a lock. I think it’s cool.” He was clueless about my question. I wasn’t propositioning him. I am curious about how… But it was a non-conversation.
There is a curiosity in all of us. The dark side offers unlimited pleasures. Depravation. Excess. Extreme role-playing. Whatever. If that’s what you’re into, there’s a Facebook-like site for you. Look it up. It’s more like an amateur porn site with a heavy emphasis on OnlyFans profiles and links. You discover them on Fetlife, you follow them on OnlyFans, and who knows… Perhaps they will visit your town as an escort. That’s their play anyway. I haven’t indulged.
I did two podcasts for my single dad blog with sex experts. One was a master’s degree cutie with a passion for paddling and showing others how to paddle. She was amazing. Wanted $10,000 for a weekend with my girlfriend and me in Dallas. Um. She must’ve thought I was in a different tax bracket. The other was a straight-up escort.
There was a site, since taken down, that was for finding your OnlyFan escort in real life in your town tonight if you wanted. Prices ranged from $200 an encounter to $2,000 for a weekend. Nope. Tempted. But, nope. That was even during the period I was appropriately employed and spinning out fun money. I bought music gear instead. Searching for the perfect vocal chain, here in my house, to capture lead vocal performances.
I’m a singer. And a lover. A lover alone. Kink curious. Uninitiated.
