She wonders what she did to make me not want to be with her.
“Um. I’m inviting you to my house every day and night. How is that detachment?”
“It feels different. We’re close. Then something happens and you get distant again.”
Point of order: Last night, I went to a political rally, she was invited. She said she wanted to hang at her house. I came home feeling a bit frazzled, so I invited her to come here. She went out around 9:30 to Lowe’s and HEB. But it must’ve seemed too far to come nearby my house.
“I thought we’d settled this,” she said. “You said you’d lay off the pressure…”
“My feelings have changed.”
The passive-aggressive messages are killing my hope.
“You seemed to like me for a little while. Now, I guess, I’m too hard to be with.”
Um. No.
“I’m asking you to consider coming to my house again.”
I’m not sure why this should require any more asking. Any more defensiveness about “why” she hasn’t seen fit, wanted to, made the effort.
Why indeed? So when I lean back 10% she’s freaking out that I don’t like her anymore. Shooting off “end of times” texts again.
“I thought we had something. I’ll cherish the memories…”
Wait, this feels like a middle school romance. High school at best. She’s never had a reliable adult partner. They’ve all been creeps or assholes. She talks about the father of her two girls as a man she didn’t even really like very much. Then her second marriage, she didn’t think he was all that attractive or intelligent. Yeah, um, what was the appeal again?
Then there was the affair with Steven, the person between her first marriage and her second marriage. Um, why is she sharing that with me so soon in our courtship? Is she testing me? Checking for my willingness to overlook her flaws and failings.
Infidelity is a real buzz kill for me. An obsessive deal killer. I know people have made it through, in other relationships, but not mine. The mother of my children was living with a man when she began taking lunches with me. The ever-more-flirty texts led to a Saturday night date. Living with another man!
Turns out, she did the same thing while we were married. During a hard time. She began having lunches with a younger coworker. I never recovered from this. She never apologized. Never. She was doing the same fucking thing to me.
I’m not going to cobble together a partner out of raw beauty and strength. There is more to it than physical beauty. In the holistic view, there is also serenity, calm, and secure attachment. I strive for the attachment. As a therapist told me many years ago, “You attach well.”
back to the glitching index
