And still some of us keep seeking. Keep believing in our own future clouds and radar maps. Mine currently shows grounding. That’s not a problem. I’ve been grounded for the entire month of May, so 18 days of sobriety. A woman, not a substance. Both are addictive as hell. When the chemistry hits, all defenses fail like a long hallway of fluorescent lights going black, ultimately engulfing you in darkness. Black. Nothing.
I am breathing fine. The life support is off for now. A day ahead of hard work. Maybe a light at the end of the complex recovery process. It was not a drug I was recovering from, sober from. It was a hyperjump into an unfinished divorce. Why did I not obey my own rules of engagement? There are no rules of engagement, but I made some up just now.
- do not date married, just divorced, or in any way unavailable women
- when they unload their trauma in the early hours of a conversation, release them before further entanglements
- my heart en fuego will disobey rules 1 and 2 easily
- after implosion: darkness
- disengage, do not respond, no outgoing signals
- wish them well and restrict their access
- eventually… no, no return for “friendship” it’s too risky
- do not reboot the mission
- continue launch sequence as soon as the window has reopened
- rules are stupid and made to be violated
I am aware how crazy I sound right now. The helium leak has been repaired. The ship is under inspection. The cats are away for a little catnip and r and r. What do cats do for leisure?
What do I do?
Unknown destinations. Minimal life support and navigational computations are required until there is a new flight plan. There is no flight plan, no target, no destination on the books.
Destinations, the name of the play, with the remarkable young woman. Release and return her to the “muse” camp. I am not in pursuit. I am interested in mutual engagements. I can distort the reality field with my romantic gestures. I am withdrawing my own broadcast from our link.
She pinged me this morning. Alive alive oh.
Pause. Evaluate. Pause more.
No action required at this time.
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The podcast of artistic resistance to AI.
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