limited supply

falling under my own spell

i can’t escape my white priveledge
my aged look
my generational wealth
or two generations of founding physicians
in austin texas
the music capital of the world
ha ha

i can only see from my limited screens
my ar/vr experience is different than yours too
i am just a man
a white man
early 6o’s
or like your grampa

in my mind
i am challenging everything
exploding into space and firing all of my guns at once
signals missed by all but three people
and not the three you would imagine

a poem is a potent arrow
the poisoned tip
rapier wit
deadly aim
i excelled in archery as a kid
texas summer boys camp
before heat and real estate wiped that place off the map

i want to climb those old hills
swim in windy cove
ascend friday mountain
in a line of priests and acolytes
i want to refire the structures in my brain
that still believed in the hope and love and agency
if i could be good enough
win blue ribbons
my dad might stop his descent
down and away
a mixology of chemistry and chess
the physician
often does a poor job
at self-regulation

on top
fire blazing into the night sky
sparks shooting up
like prayers
of boys
about hardships at home
girls
guns
and winning honor camper for your cabin

where did i get lost
how did this word salad begin
intent
emotion
image
song
losses beyond belief

i am humbled at the suffering in the world
my prayers and actions appear to be ineffective
forces of ancient bloodlines
incomprehensibly dark

i am an unreliable narrator

i have tasted wealth
seen it shoot itself in the heart
wither and die

i have loved beyond my capacity to love
survived to tell the tale
ascended my own seven story mountain
to
this

now

what could i have changed
was there ever a chance
father and son reunion

openings ahead
apply now
limited supply

02-10-24

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