Here’s a discussion about this chapter: Prompting the Present
It’s happening again, women are coming out of the woodwork. Responding to my newly found thrust, my crazy hair, or… hope beyond hope, my creative output. Not all attention, however, is good attention.
A few days ago an odd message passed across the lockscreen of my phone. It was my first wife, the one I never talk about. She left a voicemail. “John, it’s Laura, call me.” I did not call her. The message went into the “blocked caller” folder and I couldn’t find it. I thought perhaps I had imagined her message. Nope, cleaning up my phone, there it was. And nope.
Today, as I’m leaving orbit, London contacted me again. She’s cute, feisty, and unwell. And Ms. Rabbit, I found myself scrolling her new Instagram posts until I blocked her account. I don’t need any more unavailable women in my life. Get that through your heart, like a wooden stake. Vampire women make vampires.
Even a woman a tennis friend set me up with last weekend, who was less enthusiastic about my outreach, came back around to say, she was interested, and I must be a nice guy, but she was overwhelmed with her current life.
Me to, sister, me too.
It’s what we do with that overwhelm that is important. If we’re just going to be in crisis all the time, we’ve got to learn to thrive in the bullshit.
It’s all about cultivating the right mindset. Surrounding yourself with the people you want to, the ones who give you energy and attention. The rest, the confused women, will remain outside the circle. What I don’t need is any more struggle.
I have an idea of my perfect partner. She looks, not surprisingly, like my older sister who died when I was in my early twenties. She’s my type. Hippie. Thin. Tan. I see her nearly every day at my job. And there’s even something happening there, at work, at the global natural food chain. The women appear to be flirting with me. I get it. I remember being attracted by the hippie cashier. She came back to my condo. We walked the few blocks from the store. We got stoned. We didn’t hit it off. We didn’t repeat. It wasn’t anything specific, but it was also, nothing remarkable.
London is remarkable. I watched a TikTok she shared of her jumping from a high perch into a local river. Nice. And… Nope.
I don’t want easy. I want YES. I want evolved. I want someone who’s done the work they needed to do to release the trauma of their past hurts, past relationships, past difficulties. Sure, we’re all still working on it. I get that. I am a work in progress as well. But I need her to be
available
fantastic
interested in me
Of the women I’ve just metioned, let me pull apart their appeal and ultimately their nope-iness.
London – cute, fit, creative, petite, fantastic smile. Negative. My last messages to her were after more than a year of blocking her on social. Her first response was defensive and attacking at the same time. Her message today was intriguing. Still, I don’t need a project.
The tennis friend’s friend. Cute. 20-something kids, out of the house. A Ph.D. or something. Disqualified herself today with the “overwhelm” card. She was just reaching out because her friend insisted.
Ms. Rabbit – intoxicating kisses, hippie thin, athletic. Um, her kids are still in elementary school. She’s over ten years younger. She had issues with my gray hair as a turn-off, suggesting Viagra for our next date. She was looking for satisfaction. I opted out. I still think about the kisses.
My ex-wife. No explanation needed.
I’m putting my best self forward. I’m eating a bit healthier, so I’m feeling and looking fit. I am radiating my joy, even in my compromised job. I am basking in the river of life, the beautiful people passing by. I am listening for their complaints, their flirts, their indifference. As I notice the large volume of women, mostly wearing huge diamond rings, I’m confident that a woman with confidence and joy is within reach. Just, not yet.
Okay.
Do not go backwards. It took a few attempts to end the previous encounters with these women. The good news, the universe is showing me my virility and giving me hope. I’m happy and I show it.
She needs to be happy and to show it. We will both know. It should arive as an ‘ah-ha’ moment for both of us. Mutual attraction, mutual effort, and a playing field free of landmines and snipers.
Limiting access is my superpower. Paying attention to my goals and ambitions is my path forward. The partner will show themselves as I shine my beacon into the night sky.
