each broadcast

i struggle in different ways now
offer perspective
it glances off the tough windshield he presents
like a bullet fired from a glock and close range
may glance off
not shattering
penetrating
ineffective

over the course of nearly 3x his years
my path has moved from dark forests and spelunking
underwater
a mantra and theme
i tried everything
jesus
al-anon
transcendental meditation with my hippie sister
it didn’t take
not exactly
yet
i pray in a similar way
sometimes algebra physics and mindfulness
are studied
like conceptual weightlifting
stressing the muscle
to fatigue and failure
for growth
in recovery
as our bodies try to build back bigger and better
for the next stress test
moment

brains are like muscles
hearts are like infinite receivers
both require discipline
to fathom depths
pings
from the bottom of the ocean

as our legs get stronger
we are more stable
resilient
our brain
is less understood
chemicals awash
electrical impulses running along two lines of communication
nerves and lymph
damaged wifi receivers prevent clear messages
but with study
recovery
and pause
letters then words then images
flicker fade blur
our own transmissions
appear ineffective
to god jesus the virgin mother
it is more like higher math
i am unclear what my prayers produce
divorces still happen
boys still lose their grip

yet

each broadcast
is a flex
a beacon

hope
is
the
exercise
our soul uses
pushed to fatigue failure
rest and recovery
required

03-02-24

<<  back to beginning to tell the truth index |