{soundtrack.insert: heaven that i’m making.crowded.house}
I’ve already revealed too much. I apologize. I’m approaching escape velocity and I’m out over my skis. Though I have no idea what the next 24 hours will reveal, I have ideas of the arc I’d like to begin. I am good for my partner. I am good to my partner. And even if things are transitory, it is okay, I’m a neurosurgeon. I can come and go without any noticeable trauma. That’s what the last woman said.
“I’m not mad.”
I was picking up a small ziplock back of my left-behinds. “Oh, good.” The distance between us measured in feet, the emotional distance in light-years. “Yeah. Me either.” And with that, the final eyes-on exchange, and I was back on my way. Elsewhere.
Destination unknown. Open. Unpressured, yet enlivened by the recent supersonic flight to Paris {enable.movie.recap.Before.Sunrise} and back. We are unangry,* maybe sad at the near miss, yet glad to have been reminded of the enflamed power of love and lust. Fulfilled. Now departed for other horizons.
Here at the gateway, I too am untethering. From lust and hungry desire for a skin-2-skin companion, for connection, for spoon-bending nights, and delights of the morning, afternoon, and bedtime.
Bed time. (I will stop.)
Departure sequences have been entered into the nav computer. She is not in sight. I will have to leave without her. The window of opportunity is upon the hour. The moment.
Is it my obligation then, to offer a hand? Nudge the universe again with a gesture that reveals the poet and the madman in the same “hello?”
Yes.
I understand the assignment. I wrote the equation a year or more ago.
time + space = love
This untethering, then, is the companion piece. The next evolution. What I’m learning, asking for, seeking… Is a connection with god. A sensual goddess who can step into the flames of desire and not flinch. It’s a journey. Not unlike hyperspace in sci-fi movies. It’s much better than sci-fi. I’m going to tell you now.
I became unstuck in time, untethered from all around me. Lost. Aware. Awakening.
The last tether released me 16 days ago. Yes, you can count the “may mistake” as a glitch rather than a reset. An addiction to the hit. The taste and scent. And… We’re out.
Arranging my life under a new sun might be the next right move. Or not. Stay and be patient for her to arrive. I’m clear about one thing: I’m not seeking her. I am seeking myself. My love of god. Cats. Kids. Life.
I am in love.
Here’s a tip. Humans need contact. Physical emotional spiritual contact. Your mileage may vary. Your recommended daily allowance may vary over your human lifespan. In that time, you will have tethered times (in relationship) and untethered (no relationship) times. What I learned in the last few months is a valuable lesson about my energy, and from that experience, I extrapolate to “human experience.”
We need physical touch. We crave emotional release. Connection with another single human being is your gateway to understanding, unlocking the god code.
The base needs for physical beings do not change. At the bottom of Maslow’s pyramid is sex. Yep. I know, I thought I was mistaken when I looked it up. Sex is a basic human need.
Okay, I get that. As a man, I think I get it a bit differently than my 70% female audience. In terms of biology, men need to ejaculate 10 – 20 times a month to keep their prostate healthy and clear of debris. Sounds like a male-driven stat to pressure women into sex they don’t want. That’s the opposite of my understanding. Let me go on.
In my dessert solitaire rewrite, I learned more about my bio and emo needs. I found a formula of sorts. Today, getting a massage from a strong Asian man, the idea arrived to help illuminate my point. Here’s the idea.
Which of the following workflows is more interesting to you? At this moment in time, your present moment, not mine, what of these paths are you actively exploring? [me in time, writing to you: May 16, 2026]
- A quickie with your partner. Well-timed mutual orgasms. And a nap. Estimated vigorous physical contact: 30 minutes.
- A long languorous Sunday afternoon of connection. Zero orgasms. Naps. Snacks. Long conversations. Estimated skin-to-skin time: 3 – 4 hours.
- A solo-sex moment, release. Then an hour non-sexual massage. Estimated vigorous contact: 1 hour.
- Pray to your god or higher power for release from this physical desire, this longing, this loneliness. Physical contact: zero.
Okay, I know that might not make a lot of sense. Here’s how it fit into my understanding.
We all need emotional and physical release. Men and women differ in the mechanics. Desire and arousal may require varying approaches. All good so far?
When I was in this partnership, I observed myself in variations 1 and 2. This weekend I’ve dabbled in 3. I am not willing to concede to 4.
That’s it. That’s the plan. Find a partner. Tether quickly. With vigor and open comms about goals and intentions. If it breaks, release the wounded bird. Move on without inflicting any more trauma on them or yourself. Failure is an option. Failure is a must.
Imagine being tethered to the wrong person for most of your adult life.
Feel yourself longing for someone else. Unfulfilled. Alone yet tethered.
I have learned to let go when the flight plans get damaged or changed whimsically and irrationally. We are designing the flight plan together. You are an adult. I am a semi-adult. We can have honest and open communications about our needs, hopes, dreams.
I see you. I listen to you. I listen for our connection. I feel your hand, the small of your back. I hold touch as a sacred level of attachment. Once tethered I am fierce and hot. Insatiable.
I don’t want to miss a minute of my time with you. I already feel at a deficit. I cannot whisper “I love you” enough. There is simply not enough time when you are in sphere* with your beloved.
There is plenty of time. We should not be in a hurry. If you ask me, however, I will probably say yes. If I don’t ask you, I will not know if the flicker is a firestarter or a spark of instability. I want to light a fire. Again and again. Burn up the pain and loneliness we all feel. Our human pain. Loss of loved ones. Loss of our own agency. The struggles of our kids or parents.
We want a companion. A lifetime companion is the goal. Maybe for most of us. If it’s a near miss… Guess what? You have to let them go. As nice and beautiful as they might be. Settling is not an option.
Settling is unhealthy.
The play, from last night, makes this point clear. “Don’t wait.”
I made my decision on the table, during the massage. Informed and clarified by the album that won’t get out of my playlist. Here’s the song that set me on a new course. I am still in the departure lounge, getting conflicting priorities.
I am sleepy now. I think a nap has arrived. We’ll see about tonight. Crowded House sort of made up my mind. There is still time to change the road you’re on. Choose wisely. Call and audible if things go poorly. Say yes. Ignite. Burn and fail or burn and escape the pull of the Earth. Together.
Space and time (perhaps) arriving for you both.
Here and Now. – Ramdas
*unangry – actively suppressing emotional rage
*in sphere – the love bubble surrounding well-attached lovers
{extended.afterglow.soundtrack.insert:people are like suns < spotify link}
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