in *hey* i attempt to wake from the ai slumber party
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She had a way of caressing my stomach. A couple of times, she said, “I love your little belly.”
In any other universe, say six months prior or so, I would’ve freaked out. The phrase made me laugh. Laughing at the depressed 7th grader, wondering why he can’t get rid of his love handles. Laughing at the college student losing his father in the first year. Laughing at my first marriage and divorce from the chupacabra. Laughing at the dad I became twenty-five or so years ago. Laughing at depression from a position of calm and comfort.
I have wrestled my own worm oroboros to the death. I have swallowed the good parts of the pain. Shat out the bad and spicy parts. I am bringing the tasty bits here for you to gnaw on with me, if you choose to accompany me for any length of time. You are welcome. Unexpected. How did you find me here? Is there anything I can get for you to drink before we begin? I’m drinking bubbly water. No more coffee for me today, thanks. But I can make you some.
I am nearing a new peak. As my body continues to age, my mind is expanding with furious velocity. It is almost like I am rushing to get all this information out of my head and onto the page. Or… It’s a compulsion that I can’t stop. Or… It’s what’s keeping me alive. I think it’s some combination of all of that. And something else: I want to be adored.
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The Cloud Pilots episode on this chapter.
