behind this window of sorrow

my life was splintering in a shower of sparks and fear
lifeblood coursing ever faster and higher
ayn rand’s anthem was preaching
words spilling into my conversation with the nurse
two more pills and a single point of truth
arriving   arriving   arriving
anxiety at the approach

i was not okay
i would never be okay again
i am altered         other         enhanced         more alive
but learning to swallow rocket fuel is an art
self-immolation the most common result
must become routine mundane easy a spiritual quest
for fire
truth
real love
escape
from whatever this mortal coil is laying down at the moment

at the end of the day
concerns
tears
wringing of hands
i was escorted to the getaway car
given multiple get-out-of-jail-free pillows
count back from 10
3
nnnnnnnnnnnn

4-3-24

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