all too much

i wondered today if i’m running down
if joy expressed is joy lost
leaving a loving partner
spending time in the mountains
the desert
the candy aisle at the grocery store
what if i start drinking
perhaps that would allow some relief
or
take that job i really don’t want
again
or
go back to the previous path
no
i understand
ebbs and flows
i’m in the back eddy of life
spinning slowly
not making progress
wishing for horses
stuck with loneliness
all my wishes
creative thrust
bravado
crashing against the shore of my ache
i can’t make out the shore
waves and wind pushing me away
and down
until a poem
offers relief
consolation
of my own
soul

less
a
partner

9-24-24

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