who i want to be

i do not appear
how i want
i present well
even a little hyper
a black swirl
unnoticed unremarkable
unfathomed depths
i want escape
or to be darted bagged
put in a cozy alcove
to read all afternoon
watch pulsing
life
rain
busy bees buzzing
i am stilling
wavering in and out of hallucination
a hero
a failure
a contemplation
a note left under my hotel door
brings the thrill
of drama
fresh towels maybe
excuses
sorry i am broken
moments
slipping away on this leaping day
twenty twenty four
it is connection i crave
the only
reliable source
like ironman
a reactor wired in my chest
failing
decaying
halflife limited by sadness
longing
in twenty-five short hours
i believed again
i slipped beneath the surface
to find him
and let him flitter away
with an excuse
exotic text messages
his hit
required my absence
it is all lies
this lie
is

mine

02-29-24

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