Nowhere to go, no one to see, nothing to do. Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. Oh, C’mon.
It is obvious from this side of the day, at 2 pm, I’m not hitting any road today. The interview is in the morning tomorrow and I should Zoom in from my official office space. Maybe trim the beard a bit. Appear alert and dapper at the same time. Not too dapper, though, that’s what got me in trouble with my previous insecure manager bro.
A few things I need to remind myself about.
- Our kids are not here to make us feel good, or to reassure us that we are loved or important.
- Our disappointment in our kids is better used to fuel our own growth and transformation, not theirs.
- A 22 year old girl knows better.
- My daughter and I are very close. I think. I feel. Therefore I believe.
- Everything is being questioned.
Days before Christmas and I’m ready to blow this clam bake for a different clam bake all together. Alone. Beach. Sun. Winter weather.
A year or so ago, I wondered about the phrase “blow this clam bake.” I assumed it was from a movie. But that line is “blow this popsicle stand.” Hmm? Okay, so Google revealed nothing. Even AI couldn’t give me the source I was looking for. I found it a week ago. It’s not a direct quote, but it’s from Vonnegut’s last published work, TimeQuake. More of a jumble of notes and fragments of other unfinished work cobbled together between two covers. The “clam bake” as described by Kurt is a gathering of friends, usually on the East Coast, who build a fire on the beach and dance around boiling or baking clams and making fools of themselves, falling in love, falling down, and falling into reverie.
The clam bake here is my moment in time. Mark!
Health: good. Outlook: good. Fuel: 3/4 of a tank. Cats: warm and snuggled into my blanket-covered legs. The house is almost silent. I feel a bit of drowsiness, but that’s what Sunday afternoons are for. Not a care in the world. A bright day outside. A few “congrats” from people alerted to my screenplay success. And me.
Me.
What do I need right now? What do I want? Am I experiencing any pain? What plans do I want for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? The coast is three hours away. Cats have their own agenda and automatic feeder. All options are open.
Clam bakes are happening all over. I am invited to one. Might skip it.
