under the bridge

it is the part that no one sees inside of us
the dark pain sadness loneliness disconnection
today
i released two dear friends back into the void
don’t worry
they are not dead
just unresponsive

one a near lover
one a life coach who can’t seem to coach himself

i am not here to count coups or hate them
that would be reflexive and destructive
if you know anything about the universe
sending them love and light peace and love many happy futures
in their now divergent fork of time and space

here in this moment
even my two new cats are far away
doing what cats do
being zen and catlike
i try to emulate their easy natures
napping expertise
cuddle purr warm kisses head nudges
that’s my love language too

in a moment of clarity
new york city this time
under the brooklyn bridge for the day
i wondered about my ex-lover my dead sister dead mother and me
my dead brother didn’t come to mind until now
didn’t want to leave that out
below the massive echoing chug of cars trucks people and goods
there is plenty of happy living going on
regardless of my presence awareness or attention
i can feel the afternoon
a hope for days ahead
a self-fulfilling moment of love energy
harmonies internal
horizon’s uncolored by my past
the cats had not arrived in my life yet so they were not missed
i lacked nothing
i had coffee wifi a notebook a laptop and colored pencils
stretching out across the prime table
as families couples and vagrants milled about looking for
something
someone

god

if you’re listening

thanksgiving is an ongoing experience
once you’ve found your light
joy
home
the gift is to give it to others
regardless of their willingness to take you up on your offer
of present time

11-26-24

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