superfluous

in that first minute of meeting her
i was done
cooked
vamoosed
never recovered
tried for years to replace her
tried other types of performers
clowns
contortionists
tried normal women not associated with the circus
nothing worked
she had the strength of her father
the heart of a pussy cat
and the temper of a viper
still
while i didn’t feel all that safe near her
i knew at any moment she could be gone
then
she was
what can i say
no more hope for me
i might become a bearded lady or something
run the mirrored house of fun
but i don’t think i’m cut out for it
the travel
crappy beds
carney food
in my nightmares
she’s beckoning me to join her
on the highline
“trust me”
she never said that in real life
it would’ve been as superfluous
as i am now

8-30-24

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