Satellites of Love (aglow in orbit)

Satellites of Love

I felt it again today. The glow. The hopefulness. The safety and contentment at being curled around the woman I love. I know this is not the answer. This is not the path or the way or nirvana. I know this.

I also know that I glow in the presence of this woman unlike any woman before. Sure, I’m older, more observant. And, I’ll admit, I’m stretching again, as always, towards some declaration that “this is THE ONE.” Of course, I know, there is no such thing as a soul mate, a perfect partner. I’m smart enough not to believe in Jesus and divine intervention and the burning bush and all that. This morning, however, I’m willing to believe in her.

And with each minute I spend entwined and holding her hand, her actual hand, that seeks mine even at 3 am, I know something different than what I was taught. I may not be able to accurately describe love or god or this feeling at waking to her smile, her hand, and her two dogs, all of us, in a messy jumble on the kingsized bed.

I know they are her dogs, but it’s like her arrival in my life changed everything in so many dimensions. Dogs too!

There is no fear today. And I do know it’s something inside me that has changed as a result of the frequent connections as well as the spaces when she is not around. The dogs still hover whenever she’s here, like I do. But when she’s gone to work or back to her house, I still have their hyper-kissy faces each morning, ready to go outside, and ready to come back inside for breakfast.

As I type this, 7:45 am on a Saturday, there is no cell or synapse in my body that is not aglow with beloved energy. And the dogs are curled around her just as they were before I entered their lives. There’s a warmth and comfort that comes from their comingling, sloppy kisses, spilled dog food, squirrel chasing, and hand-holding all wrapped together, satellites of love.

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