perched
she felt the sadness inside herself
she saw the pain in her husband’s eyes
she remained steadfast in her decision
to rescue herself
required massive action
she was brave
she held his hand and told him exactly why
he was enough
but not right for her
she was leaving
and not returning
there were kids to consider
but her survival was even more important
there was money, houses, and schedules
that would all get worked out
but for now
she needed to leave
alone
set sail for what’s next
go eat pray and love somewhere
that was not next to her husband
he was still her husband
he expressed his disbelief, then his anger, then his sadness
became quiet
more silent than she had ever seen him
it was as if the fire had gone out inside of him
she couldn’t dally
it was time to move along
before the reasons to stay
became clear
“how convenient for you,” said the man
many years ago
“that you only study women”
where was she headed?
would love rejoin her
when the time was right
had she BRAVED her last BRAVE?
as she headed for the door
she hesitated for a second
what if her bigger challenge was to stay
what if the stronger act, the braver act
would be to stay
fight, pray, cry, tussle
and see where that took them all
but it was really over this time
her heart yearned for the open road
the lack of commitments and chores
the untethered joy
of nowhere to go
and plenty of time to get there
she stepped into the sunlight
after days of snow, ice, and cold
and the rays on her face kissed her
she knew
i am okay
he is okay
they are all okay
in this life
we are ultimately alone
we long to have a running buddy
pull their train alongside ours
and run side-by-side up into the mountains
of love and the journey of discovering love together
and then one train fails
a split in the track offers divergent paths forward
and she knew this time
it was for her
it was the harder choice
it was the right choice
and alone
she would discover new answers
and edges of her soul
in loneliness
in ecstasy in the wilderness, alone
alone
she walked out of her marriage
and beyond the edge of the unknown
she was brave
she was smiling
she knew this was the moment
for her to explore
vigorously
2/21/2021
