orchestration of desire

i have all i need
desire
another matter
peaks valleys binary complications
a hit
better than a hit
a tryst
forbidden
youth

is this the future of the human race
desires run amok
money buys darkness for others
lifestyles for pretty girls
and boys thin enough with a pretty mouth
i am not proud of us
this
wicked web of mind-warping opportunities
this is not love
nor *ai*
this is how it ends

i no longer love myself
i am too fat too old too ambitious too poor
to live the lifestyle our media says is the good life
a mundane life
a simple car
guitars
a son losing his mind only 6 miles away

what options are ahead
for the generation raised on toks and tiks
what aspirations
presented by a twenty-seven-year-old influencer
who
obviously
has it made
her man now husband
stays home and takes care of two kids
boy and girl
more on the way
she’s telling you about finding a healthy relationship
first
start with an unlimited budget
good looks
and thin
you’ve got to be thin
it’s what’s in

i have never bought skinny anything for myself
my girlfriend once bought me medium shirts
um
they are cute
but i’m a large
i’ll never make a cute girl
if that were my ambition
but unlimited money
a stock option going skyward
might tip me toward midnight
venmo phone numbers and moi
the temptation must always be there for them too
the women
now working the trade
honored tradition for thousands of years
outlawed for most
second-class citizens crossing the divide
between what is acceptable in our minds
from what is acceptable for our children
and us
what would you try
if you knew
100%
there would be zero consequences
all of your life safe and insulated
exxxcept for one part
your beating
soul
riding along the pulse of your heart
the god in you
that feels what is good
and knows that not all feelings are real
not all evil is the devil
and not all rules need to be followed
if you have
control

3-23-24

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