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never give up

never give up

i will reset in the morning
try and get some sleep
your brain is not working properly
and further circular discussions offer little insight
it is late
he is texting with me
he is also being an asshole
saying things he regrets and disclaims immediately
*would’ve loved to have met your older sister*
ghost of a suicide
who the fuck are you to invoke her
she would’ve been all over you

it is about four weeks
since my daughter told me about the burner phone
*he’s definitely a drug dealer*
november trip to dc
a tsa moment


i learned truth the hard way
pay attention

*wait, what?*

as the maelstrom of his final college semester proves too much
i am asking questions
seeking more data
he lies
he hides
he has a second phone

each day
i will reboot
try to do better

he needs the space to feel the consequences
his mama needs to stfu
get ready for an intervention
requiring all family members
to participate
perhaps that was the reason
to hide
a parenting moment
from the other parent
not a single excuse is accepted
but her unreliability has been known for a long time

i will hold my heart here in these words
mapping my journey
with a son trying to fly under the radar
deal with top-secret precision
from the shelter of my home
where two conditions were required
no smoking inside
no drugs

he refuses to admit any addiction
the pills are prescribed
the ptsd is demonstrable
but he had run smack into a brick wall limiter
that is his father
pitched to anger rarely in his life
pushed to the side
by a wife with a warped sense of entitlement
and benefit
to her

not her finest moment

this moment
this bare truth
now uncovered
more dysfunction throughout
a clear example
of how our marriage could’ve never worked
we have two lovely kids
we say we are doing the best we can
one of us


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