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Here the discussion of this post on YouTube: My Liminal Summer
The summer has been amazing. Since my May start at the grocery store many things have changed. My girlfriend is now my ex as she moved back to her hometown of San Diego. Ho hum. My son graduated from college on the third final approach and is in the process of interviewing for a high-paying job as a AI-first coder. My daughter is settling in as a ER nurse on the overnight shift. And I am feeling strong and good.
I did not plan to rejoin this “grocery life” but I knew I could do it. I knew this type of job required little more than showing up. I’ve been showing up. I’ve learned about my own humility. My own white priveledge. My own entitlement at being pissed at being in such a low-paying job. AND, I’ve adapted.
Being single has its advantages. When I’m done with work I have no obligation except to myself and my two cats waiting patiently at home for me to return and give them a “treat.” I don’t have to debrief with anyone. No need to plan “what’s for dinner.” If I want to nap at 6 pm I do it. If I wake up inspired at 10:30 pm I do something with the idea, after checking my schedule for the next day.
The job has a regulation effect on me. I cannot fly off into the sun. I have to keep my commitment to the store, to my job, to my friends at work.
I’ve also learned that friends at work is somewhat of an illusion. I am friendly. I connect with each person and if they are receptive I feel like we are friends. Some people don’t work that way. Some people will see me, my confidence, as arrogance and disrespect. Hmm. They must be in a mindset of lack.
When I try and imagine why our team leader doesn’t like me, though he plays to be my “bro.” Something he said in his explanation about why I wasn’t being considered for the tiny step upward to “supervisor.”
“This job is something some of us have worked a long time to achieve. You don’t seem to take it seriously. We all like to have fun at work, but sometimes…” FULL STOP.
But sometimes…
There’s something else going on here. If they are worried that they would promote me just as I was leaving for a new job elsewhere, I guess that could be a reason for not advancing me. But I think it’s more personal for my “friend” and manager. Even my actual friendly mid-manager, the only person in store that I’ve had a conversation with about my ambition. That’s it. I never got an interview with the actual team leader. I’ve requested an audience with each of the store leaders over time. I even went to a coffee with leadership meeting that was canceled due to apathy. I was the only one who showed up. Even the store leader was on the phone and forgot. Okay.
Maybe this place is not for me. Or, perhaps I have more to learn here. Today I learn forgiveness and release. I release my expectations about this job and it’s leaders. I have noticed something about the staff here. Either 1. they never went to college and this is a trade school of sorts and frames their career and future; 2. they are here for insurance or minimal income needs; 3. they are like me, ambitious and advanced in experience, yet overlooked because of our enthusiasm for growth and potential for being hired away for a more appropriate job.
The other fellow who’s a few years older than me is an example of the “need insurance” and am somewhat retired.
In this liminal summer I have faced my own demons (shame, entitlement, greed, lust) and continued to show up for work. That’s it. That’s the only requirement for participation in the grocery life. As a business mentor once told me, “Nobody complains about the introvert that gets their work done.” Right. He also said this.
“Your manage is either moving you UP or OUT.”
Message received.
I hope to see you in the checkout line in the future.
[Listen to the Deep Dive explore the concepts of The Happy Cashier.]
The hope I see in others
becomes the hope I have for myself,
my life, and my own journey.
– The Happy Cashier
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