nothing after this is true – real-time hyperfiction is #dtf

Ice cream. Some sort of prime brand with coffee and Heath Bar toffee. OMG. When ice cream does not give my cravings a nudge, I know I’m in deep. I am eating some house brand from local grocer HEB. It’s good. Not Ben and Jerry’s good. But, passable. I have a good appetite.

I am not depressed.

I am broke.

The economy whammy, the Iran/Trump war, the AI cluster fuck destroying all marketing and creative jobs. No, Mr. Amazon, you cannot do everything with robots. People will begin to push back. How many mansions and boats do you need, sir?

There is no amount of hopefulness that’s going to fix my issue. Not tomorrow, tonight, or ever. Action is the only way to get what we want.

• a job
• a girl
• a the “live with ease” part of life I was promised

Okay, so that’s a lie. You can’t be whatever you want to be when you grow up. First, you’ve got to grow up. No, I won’t do it. I’ll get… An English degree! That’ll puzzle my father, the old bastard.

“The Wiz Man never fit him like the Wiz Kid did.” – Ben Folds

Oh shit, I can’t put the rest of this pint in the freezer. The freezer is melted and has no more freeze innit. I either eat it all or throw the second half out. I’m satiated. No need for the full pint, the full effect. I’m happy and less fat than I have been in a long time. A tipping point. A motivational partner. A reason to “check with your doctor before engaging in sexual activity.” We really need to check with our doctor?

Anyway, the thing about the new drugs… Well, it’s like I’m a teenager again. Hard at the hint of an opportunity. Alone in my dead and dark bed tonight. A candle and battery pack are nearby. Wifi tethered off my phone. That plan needs a payment soon to avoid reconnection charges.

Not everything is bad, though. Not all of life is about money. Without it, we suffer. With it, we suffer. Well, if life is suffering, I guess I’d rather suffer rich and traveling than poor and hopeless. I am not hopeless. Cash poor and optimistic. I haven’t been able to fill my gas tank on optimism, though. Not so far.

What I learned: I am not only lovable, I am a big love generator. I bring a carnival of happiness with me into any relationship. My partner has several options. Join the carnival in progress, be wild, joyous, and free. Fear of the carnival and the sharp slide into ecstasy. It feels like a drop. It’s a rush upward. Your anxiety has you seeing things flipped upside down. We’re headed up, not down. Unless that’s the way you see it.

If everything is forboding and dark, we won’t survive much longer in the wobble of us. This is not going as well as I had planned. If we could keep the little upsets, the fractures, the triggerings, from derailing all the joy and love we generate in between, that would be nice. Unlikely, but nice. More than nice, required.

I cannot be fighting with my lover for my love. That makes no sense.

start where you are > index

© 2026 john oakley mcelhenney, all rights reserved