Lost In the Humming Air

{queue.lost in the humming air.budd eno.the pearl}

Bask in the bonfire of your own vanities,
burn them high, scorch away past failures
and heartbreaks.

The mysterious force pulsing between all of us: love.

In a single human life, opportunities for real love, or big love, is rare. The romantic idea that your *one* person is going to complete you is scientifically and emotionally false.

No matter how amazing, how perfect, how beautiful that lover is, they are a stand-in for something bigger. Don’t get hung up on finding your one true soulmate. I’m going to explain in a second why that is a human fantasy. Love and love of true depth requires soul, soul work, soul clarity.

Here’s what I’m coming to understand about love {lower case ‘l’ the force in the universe} comes in millions of forms.

Physical love: birth, swaddling, cuddles, hugs, sex, birth, death, repeat.

Physical love is only possible within a human lifetime, timeline, a single human experience of time. Time is harder to explain. You have a physical body for a limited time. In that time you can explore warping your reality around someone you love, expanding your concept of life love and the pursuit of happiness, now includes this magical partner.

What do you call them? Lovers? Husbands? Girlfriends? More than one at a time? Male? Female? MFM. FFM. MMM. FFF. Like hex codes for color, or molecular formulas, love enters and starts a process of transformation.

The math, the logic, the calculus is beyond your current mind. The formula has already been given.

time + space = love

For two human bodies to have magnetic and resonant impact on one another requires proximity. The signal gets weaker as the bodies move apart in separate orbits. Their ongoing realignments bring their souls in sync over the course of years. The effect of effervescence, that “falling in love” thing, is fleeting. Nurture it. Fan the heat. Bask in the bonfire of your own vanities, burn them high, scorch away past failures and heartbreaks.

This is how love cycles. Joy recognizes joy. Joy attracts. Play. Repeat. Enlightenment in love.

It is also messy. Desires go in new and unexpected directions. Joy becomes dulled into duty. Passion and play settle into routine and safety. We become afraid to venture, to risk for fear of … what? Shaking things up? Losing what has become stale?

Love is an active dance. There are new steps to learn. New songs. Styles of music from other places. Two bodies in proximity have the potential to produce more love, more energy, more joy. Releasing it into the world, to those around them, like a pink steam of sex. Love. Passion, Heat. Hunger.

When chemistry gets unbalanced, momentum slows and entropy begins to turn yes molecules into meh molecules and ultimately into no molecules. Your spiritual network goes from yes-fuck-me-please to why-are-you-still-complaining-about-the-laundry. A vast sea of failed human relationships circles most human tribes. It is not easy. Love.

Without the first two elements, however, love becomes impossible.

time

We’ve already established without a doubt that time is a loop, a sphere, a singular thing. Time is non-linear. A human soul (you reading, me typing) is only capable of moving through time according to the established rules of b – birth > c – chaos > d – death.

space

In human form space, where you are on the planet Earth, for example, is critical to building threads of connection. It’s all about the threads. Remember the colors? Red: sex, passion, energy. Green. Yellow. Orange. Threads can only be established between two humans when they are physically together in space. (Time is only important in the thoughts of your human mind.)

Once established, threads can maintain connection and energy over large distances of space. Without physical proximity, new connections cannot be formed, new evolutions of the joys of being alive.

Joy of Being Alive

That is one of god’s greatest wishes for humanity. Joy. Singular joy. Joy of man to god to man, like the “good news for modern man” we were given in Young Life. When humans are apart from those they love in space the signals and messages are weakened. Occasional reunions can charge up the connection again, like rubbing two stones together produces heat.

Humans need to rub against one another for heat.

love

Why do we do anything? What gets us out of bed? Have we cultivated our internal launch sequence for happiness? Make each day a gift. 1. First to ourselves. (thank you god, for this most amazing day*); 2. To loved ones. (the things I cannot control vs. the things I can); 3. To the world. (sing your song for the common man)

As you begin to understand, growing older as a human: alone is the final frontier. Your partner, your friends, your children, cannot make you happy or joyful. And, I don’t know if it’s god’ thing, but happiness, hope, and joy all feel like fragments of love: particles of love: fibers threads invisible light: love.

The mystery isn’t about god or my connection with god. That connection is inside my own mind. What is my connection with my self? My isolated, depressed, beaten, and tired self? What beam of golden light from the sky can bust me out of this obsidian ache of loneliness?

God cannot make me happy.

Another person cannot make me happy.

Success, money, adoring crowds, cannot make me happy.

I’ve had so much. So many happy seconds. My power comes from knowing inside how much love I still have to share. Sharing it. Sharing it with honesty and faith. Love is the thing. The joy is the thing. The inner complexities of your mind (my own mind, trying to write this) are both navigation and life support systems of happiness.

Humming in your mind. Happy words. Soothing melodies. Exciting beats and heartbeats.

Cardio. Map the heart. Your human heart is temporary. Time, in your human viewport, limited. Pay attention. Learn what you can control. Release and actively let go of the things you cannot control.

Recalibrate trajectory.

Dedication: Ada Marie Oakley McElhenney (mom) and one of the musicians we shared: Ludovicio Einaudi: Seven Days Walking (Day 1)

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