listening for silence

running into a lonely space
loss
hopelessness
forgiveness
hope
doubt
the city around me bustling and hustling
my get up and go
gone
a son again becoming unresponsive
*we’ve talked about this*
letting go and letting god
again and again
again
today i exit for five days in the mountains
de-gridded
with guitars and voices and a few famous artists
and me
still i am here and not there
sadness floods the evening
food is bland
the rootbeer is good but not doing the trick
i drop the whole meal into the receptical
praying for
something to ease the sadness
it’s the golden hour in new york on a sunday evening
a stairway is across the street
the highline
i sit for an hour
listening
smelling the lavender growing around me
and all the lovely and foreign couples and families
passing
i am answered
rest
release
breathe
open
listen
this is the moment
i have no one to call
the rains of the afternoon have lifted the heat
everyone is chatting
admiring the glory of the clouds above the Empire State Building
a lift
a
prayer
a
blessing of silence alongside the flow of life
i am here
i am never alone
i am a sail
several that i love are encouraged by my love
this is that moment
this is the lesson
and the answer
ask
and
a higher power
arrives
in others
in love
lovers
ghosts of lovers and family
surround me in the moment
nothing has changed
but me
my stillness
my open brokenness
and the small child in the window looking down on us
from the fancy loft
waving and dancing for the passing audience
until the curtain is drawn
the light of the sun is dimmed
and i am
still
hopeful
still
here
i continue tomorrow

8-05-24

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