escape syndrome

out
away
time off
why am i often fantasizing about escape
from a comfortable and nourishing life
job is good
love life is better than ever
house is comfy and full of musical instruments
and still
the ocean
the mountains
the italian mountains that spill over from france
a vespa in florence
kisses on the coast of ibiza
and
here and now
is blurred for a moment
i forget
i long for something i don’t have
a new guitar car house pair of tennis shoes
if i listen long enough
maybe i can understand more about my lust
leaving as adventure
muting the demands of this typical life
for a moment in the tuscan sun
or a white churched mountaintop
a tiny cup of bitter coffee standing at the counter
with my lover
always with my lover
i traveled alone in my 20s and 30s
scribbling journals across europe
more longing
ache
ennui
i don’t want to say it
loneliness
and perhaps that’s the answer
escaping loneliness
is a lifetime goal of mine
and something about traveling with your lover
with no other commitments
provides a freedom
for falling
again and again
in distant cities

5-16-23