So many things have changed. Nothing remains the same.
My drive is forever changed, moving deeper inside. The quest of mindfulness brings joy and fruitful conversations and connections to me. Sounds like a mantra, but it’s just an observation.
The entire area around my house is under heavy highway construction. A Y-intersection of two highways (71 and 290) collide here. The plans for an upgrade have been 20 years in the making. Now, it’s underway and a mess surrounds me. Interchanges frequently change, routes are altered to conform and introduce new sections of highway. Like a cloverleaf of life. So many choices, so many directions are possible from here. For now, chaos and confusion.
There is a clear vision, however.
She is leaving at 3 am tomorrow morning for San Diego. She is lovely. She is crying. I still love her. I will no longer be with her. I am not following. I have done my best to be compassionate about the breakup. Lovingly embracing and supporting her move away from me. She made up her mind in January and she’s not veered from that trajectory.
Over the last few months, we’ve been back. We’ve been comforting each other through difficult terrain. Hospital appointments. MRIs. Trying to lower the drama by just doing what is next, not thinking to hard about it.
We agreed as we reunited: one day at a time.
I was clear. A long distance relationship is not part of my plan. I don’t mind being alone. I’ve spent a good deal of time recrafting myself, respinning my creative drive up, and pointing myself in various directions, writing being one of those.
There is more to catch up on, but I don’t have the energy. An extracted tooth is shutting down my enthusiasms. There are no magical meds on-board. Just the over-the-counter variety that is beginning to fail at mitigating the chronic pain in my lower right jaw. Consistent pain makes me crazy. I don’t want to eat. I have a harder time sleeping. I had to take a day off from work today, and probably tomorrow. Just at the time I need to be solid and consistent. I’m expecting a promotion and raise in August, just a few weeks away.
I am challenged. I am slowed down somewhat by the trauma and infection that is likely causing the pain.
Today, I sought a minor emergency option to have a look at what’s going on. Several calls and I found one open until 9 pm. It’s Saturday night. Only $100 with my insurance. My old, Obamacare, insurance. I have new insurance from my grocery job, but I can’t find the number. I don’t have my card yet. And it’s Saturday, so there is no one to call.
The minor emergency sent the prescriptions to my normal place, but they are closed. They were supposed to send them to a 24-hr Walgreens nearby. I waited in line. “Sorry, what were you looking for? We don’t have any prescriptions for you yet. Fk.
Well, there was nothing fun in the meds anyway. A long-lasting version of ibuprofen and some backup antibiotics incase things get worse.
I called it in, routed through eternal voice trees to an elderly woman who was nice but slow. “I’ll call them for you and have they send it to Walgreens.” It’s likely tomorrow, I could pick up my scrips from either pharmacy.
As I came out of Walgreens empty handed a massive rainbow was fascinating several people in the parking lot. I obliged and took a few photos myself. As I got home, the drops of rain were just starting. We were in the golden hour.
In the mailbox tonight, my new Blue Cross insurance card with my membership ID. The Earth keeps spinning and I haven’t fallen off yet.
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