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Discomfort seems to be the only leverage we have on my son. Oh shit, I’m in the exact situation. I am supposed to feel the frustration at this low-wage job so that I don’t get complacent. If they offered me twice what I’m making, I’d still be stuck in a dead-end job. I don’t want to be a grocery store employee, no matter how great the food.
I am feeling the discomfort of this moment. My son is rattling his crisis, while doing very little to take care of his own issues. He’s occupied my music room for over a month, but slept in many places during that time. I am keeping my advice to myself at the moment. I am not willing to let his drama to derail my own progress and goals. His discomfort is different than mine.
He wants to bring his computer cluster to my house and power up on my internet connection. I don’t know what he’s doing with his own servers. I’m sure he’s got a great explanation of why he needs his own server running 24/7 and requiring additional house cooling. Nope. I’m tiring of having my house full of guns and ammo too. I don’t like it. When he is here, his presence is very disruptive.
He wanders around the house, Airpods in, shuffling from his room with the door closed to the screened porch where he can smoke. I do not want to close my bedroom door like I did a few summers ago when we were living through the same dark dance. He is not putting in job applications. He’s working on an online platform dream owned by someone else. He’s putting all of his hopes on this one idea. He needs a job. He cannot rent an apartment or get a working car for freelance work.
The boundaries are going to be clear and enforced. The guns have a limited window. By the end of November, they all need to be gone. What’s left can be stored in my garage or in the shed. He cannot install and run his clandestine servers. He needs to know this is a temporary landing place. He must be forced to move forward, or he will stagnate and stop getting up. I’m not sure how to remedy the opening and closing of his bedroom door at all hours of the night. I could lock my cats in with me, but that’s not going to help them settle down and sleep, they will complain at the door, either inside or outside of my bedroom. It’s staying open.
I spoke with him yesterday. He’s trying to marshal a friend with a pickup truck to help him move. I have not heard from him since. It would be nice to get a heads-up on his progress. I can get my plan ready either way.
In my own flight, I just completed a great interview with a perfect company. Now, I wait. I’ve sent the “thank you” notes. I go to my grocery job tomorrow. I stay steady as she goes. Continuing to put in new job applications. My fingers are crossed. This could be a great job. I’m enthusiastic about my momentum. If not this one, then the next one.
