The audiobook is free on YouTube: Be Open
Listen to this discussion free on YouTube: Be Open discussion
I am open to what the future brings. I set my own intentions, actions, and plot my course. My son hovers nearby, fondling guns bullets and gear. So much gear. Bags upon bags of stuff. Med kit, survival kit, gun bags, rifle cases, backpacks with integrated Camelback systems. He’s ready for the next war, yet afraid to watch movies about war. He’s rushing in to help homeless men collapsed on the street. He’s a pseudo-soldier and a pseudo-medic. He is walking into burning buildings.
At breakfast today, he expounded on his two brushes with ODing strangers. The second interaction summoned the police. He should’ve been arrested for several issues, foremost the 5 rifles in his car and the unlawful registration of his car. He explained away the arrest in some fantasy about the cop’s protective gloves matching the exact gloves hanging from his belt.
More than likely, the cop was rushing to the next incident. These two white boys were not a threat. Catch and release. For now, my son does not have a criminal record. He may be behind on his Texas Toll payments, but who isn’t?
I tried to connect a few stories of my own. I talked about how my two different times, moving back in with Mom, were both hard and rewarding. When my mom died, I did not have anything else to say. I had told her “I love you” every night for the last two years. I value the time now, even as I was struggling to survive my own bullshit.
My son’s bullshit is still running through his brain. Loaded weapons are a constant. There are more guns in my house than guitars. I am demanding a plan for how these changes. He’s speaking of a deal with his contract employer. They are looking at apartments in Round Rock. “She’s going to make the paystubs or whatever we need to qualify me.” She’s been one of his saving graces.
I tried to share a bit about father figures vs mama’s boys. “I was raised by three women. My mom and my two sisters.” I know how to relate to women. I look up to women. Sometimes, I think a woman is my salvation. I am shifting my perspective to a more neutral stance: I want a woman as a partner. I don’t need a partner to be happy or thrive. I am both of those things now.
I am open to what’s next in my life. I’m not giving up on my efforts to land a new executive job. Two opportunities are open at the moment. Each day that goes by without a response from them… Well, it’s hard. The antidote? More job applications.
Also, repairing all the bullshit at work in the grocery store. I have secured some support from leadership to fix my UPT (unpaid time off) situation. As it is, today, I have two hours of unpaid time before I’m back on notice. That prevents me from having any flexibility. It’s a control move. It also keeps me out of consideration for any advancement. Again, my focus needs to be on a high-paying job and my exit from the grocery life. I also need to continue to send in publishing agent proposals with the same vigor I am using on job applications. Nothing will get done without my effort.
I can write, create, and socialize my own work. My reach is limited only by my budget. Today, that budget is zero. Even as I am creating 1 – 3 videos a day, my subscriptions on YouTube continue to fall. The last update showed 210 new subscriptions and 321 unsubscribes. The reach is rigged by YouTube. Pay or starve. Okay, a YouTube channel is not my path forward either. It’s a helpful marketing piece for my author platform.
How many followers, subscribers, readers do you have? How big is your mailing list? Publishers, even agents, want the writer to develop a platform before contacting them. I’ve been building mine for years. First, around my divorce and single dad content. Then, around dating as a single parent. Now, I’ve graduated to my life’s work: literary fiction. I’m okay with it taking a while. I think, however, I’m ready to make a move.
A new job would free up the cash flow to grow my reach for my music and writing projects. Today, strapped for cash, supporting a son’s appetite and cooling needs in my house, I’m underwater at the end of each billing cycle.
Next up: job to fame to fortune to nirvana girl.
