i feel spiders – a poem

i feel spiders – a poem

in my mind
i feel spiders
today
i can’t put the black
bastards out of my thoughts
rough, spiky, deadly
motherfuckers
lurking in the back
of the angry thoughts
the lost thoughts
the billion wicked little thoughts
as i race towards
an ending
a crash
a
dead
end

yet
there is a muffled quality
to the day
as if a dark sweater
is over my eyes
and black cotton
is clogging my ears
and nothing penetrates
until i see her
and
at once
the black bastard retreats
her smile welcomes me
and the technicolor life
returns
to me

dad
she says
i almost broke up with my boyfriend
it is her first boyfriend
and he’s got issues
with her friendliness
towards her peers
he’s been cheated on
by all the girls he’s dated
at 16-years-old
and how did that work out
i asked
good
you guys talked it out
i asked again
yes
and what did you decide
well, he was jealous
but now he’s not
because, i said, you’ve never cheated on anyone
he is your first boyfriend
you don’t know what that means
and you wouldn’t
and he’s okay with that
yeah
we’re cool

i get a fleeting glimpse
of a daughter
rushing towards
her life
rushing in the summer
from florida, to colorado, to new york city
rushing past me
and yet
pausing
to take aim
at the spider
crushing the top of my heart
and squeezing the life
right out of me
and with nothing more than a hello
i am enlightened
self-actualized
and the spider
is merely a reminder
to take care of myself
and my deadly
issues
of self-esteem
and
joy

7-8-18

Leave a Reply

Close Menu