end scene – a poem

end scene – a poem

i’m trapped like a vapor
between this feeling of loneliness
and contentment
she’s not here
i see that
and with that comes more time
alone
and that too is okay
but i’m fluttering a bit
sometimes high
sometimes needing extra naps
perhaps it’s the rain
the change of season
or just missing the last lover
who was so magnificent in so many ways
yes
that’s it
her smile and touch
her
everything
except that part
that didn’t fit cleanly
into my worldview
my trajectory into “next”

and

nothing

it is me
dabbling in sad
cobbling together letters
to myself
to reassure me
that i’m okay
that she’s okay too
wherever she now roams
and that we
now follow different arcs
even as the gravity between us
is still strong
the pull for one more embrace
belly laugh
back rub
anything

anything
but this
silence
and clicking
of keys
as i try to buoy myself
above the depression line
heading into holidays
just as i did last year
alone
hopeful
patient

but i have tasted rich joys
traveled in high spirits
with a beautiful woman
i have known deep fruits
and luxuriated there

and end scene

just me
typing again
thinking of her
and myself
again
clickity clickity
again

10-8-18

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